Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Those blessed two words - The End. There's just no possible way to describe the effect they have on a poor, struggling author like myself. Indulge me for a moment, while I attempt the impossible...

Imagine if you will, six months of your most emotional, self-doubting days; days filled with uncertainty and pressure, dotted only here and there with small triumphs. Outside the task at hand you are good for nothing because every fiber of your being is telling you that you should be somewhere else, doing something else. Perfectly good conversations grind to a halt as you continuously drift off into your own head or scrabble around for the nearest surface on which to make notes lest you forget.

Six months of waking early and being unable to go back to sleep because your mind has kicked straight into fifth gear. 'I'll get up now and start,' you say. 'I'll be so tired I can sleep early tonight and have a full day tomorrow,' you assure yourself. And it's all going to plan until your head hits that pillow and your brain suddenly finds a sixth gear hitherto unknown.

Alternatively, imagine your pride and joy going from newborn to adult in those six months. You bathe their scraped knees, wipe their tears of teenage heartbreak; you watch, weeping, from the front stoop as they leave your arms to go find themselves. And then, the bittersweet comfort of sitting in the pew watching them tie the knot with their soul mate, happy, secure, whole.

Now, imagine that night, when the guests are gone and the happy couple are off on their honeymoon. Though you will never stop caring, never stop worrying, although you will always get that urge to wrap them under your wing and protect them, you know there is someone else now to help you carry that burden of care. Think of that night, as you lay down to sleep...

...And that still does not cut it, because even before you type those words - 'The End' - something else is already brewing. You know it's there, simmering just below the surface, but the 'd' needs to be down before it can truly boil up. You get seconds, minutes if you're very lucky, to savour that triumph before the next project takes over and the whole process begins again.

The End has been typed, the next project has cooked. But, I hear you yell, what is it? Well, that's a story for another post!

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