Saturday, November 15, 2014

Long Suppressed Rant

*Viewer discretion advised. May (i.e. most certainly) contain strong language and/or scenes of a violent nature*

FOR FUCK SAKE, is it really, really too much in this day and age to expect people to be able to Goddamn spell, even a little bit, even close? Seriously, I'm not being conceited, but it gives me wrinkles trying to read and understand some of the utter bollocks people land out before my eyes these days IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. 

I, me, get absolutely mortified for ye lot, you know who you are! And yes I know, 'if it bothers me so much then why do I read it, blah, blah, blah', but you see, the thing is, I'm a stubborn bitch, so I'm forced to stick at it and read your God awful drivel to the bitter (and I mean bitter) end. And to be completely honest, reading some of those posts and doohickeys is like poking a dead thing with a stick - you just can't help it, you know it's disgusting, and part of you doesn't even think it can be real it's so utterly unbelievable, but you still can't stop yourself.

And here's the humdinger - THERE IS NO EXCUSE. There's spell-check on everything nowadays, even text messages, though I'd say even the most advanced AI machines would be scratching their heads at how to make suggestions for some of the attempts at actual words that have insulted keypads the world over lately. 
Not only that, but for the love of St. Michael on a pushbike, we even have the unlimited fucking option of editing our posts on Facebook this weather.

No longer is there a need to run home and root out the dictionary - we have dictionaries on hand all the time and Google at the touch of a button just in case we're unsure. I know predictive text can be to blame for some fuckups, but at least, most times anyway, this substitutes bona fide words. So it alone cannot be attributable to the fingertip diarrhea some people seem to be mortally afflicted with. 

How, pray tell, did we ever manage in the days of paper and pen? Surely... no... it can't be - did we actually have to use our brains; not be so lazy and ponder for a nanosecond on how a word or sentence is formed? What a preposterous thought, unfathomable.

For lack of any other explanation, I have come to the conclusion that the perpetrators of these heinous crimes against the English language actually desire us to think they are uneducated. Well congratulations... you've succeeded, though why on earth anyone would willingly have another think they are stupid is, yet again, beyond me. (And that there is a rant for a whole other day!)

On the other hand we could be looking at the devastating possibility that there is actually a race out there who can only speak in SMS, where the words 'their, there, and they're' are simply a choice and once chosen can and shall apply in ALL instances; where words are dreamed up willy-nilly and I'll be Methusalah's aunt if I'll ever understand what their inventors were driving at with their conception. 

If it is the case that these people really and truly are pure ignoramuses, then I will ask, on behalf of the rest of us, if you could please, for the love of all that's hot in a matchbox, try to fool us. Lie to us, baby, lie to us. 

All sarcasm and slander aside though - seriously, have some respect for yourselves people and learn your fucking ABC's, quite frankly because my crows feet are getting out of hand. Jesus wept. 

*Rant over. We will now return to scheduled programming*

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